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Love & Light

 

Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice,

if a Snowdrop doesn’t bloom,

or even pause to wonder

if the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,

or ever comes to be,

touches the world in some small way

for all eternity.

The little one we longed for

was swiftly here and gone.

But the love that was then planted

is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,

our hearts know what to do.

For every beating of our hearts

says that we love you.

 

The Heartbreaking Diagnosis

The diagnosis of our little boy is: Hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

Here in England the oldest child with this heart defect has lived to teenage years, we haven’t found the exact age yet.

Out of 10.000 children that are born, only 2 babies suffer from this diagnosis. TWO!

It’s a better chance winning the lottery. Bad luck is the understatement of the week.

My heart is breaking for his. And I cry for the life that he won’t have, that he can’t get.

I have no words for how deep this sorrow goes, how much anxiety there is in the decision to be made.

In the midst of all that we can manage a smile and say things to each other like ‘damn you kiddo, tricking us like that, thinking that you are strong when you’re not.’

It’s hard. It’s real.

We are slowly coming to an understanding of the situation, what would face us. Even if we don’t have a clue.

It’s not an easy decision. Whatever we choose there will be heartbreak. Our baby boy’s heart can’t be fixed. And I’m not sure mine will ever heal.